Okay, I'll admit, on the surface of it, there's nothing glaringly positive about Concrete Blonde's Joey. In fact, when it first came out in 1990, I remember not being able to sing along with it because I'd never make it past the first few seconds without the lyrics sort of sticking in my throat, and it only came to my attention again this week because I stumbled onto a list of the "Most Depressing Songs Ever" which ranked Joey at #8.

I know you've heard it all before
So I don't say it anymore
I just stand by and let you fight your secret war
And though I used to wonder why
I used to cry til I was dry
Still, sometimes I get a strange pain inside
Oh, Joey if you're hurtin', so am I

Singer Johnette Napolitano is referring to the pain of helplessly witnessing the slow disintegration of her alcoholic lover and, yeah, that's pretty depressing. Further, the particulars seem frustratingly vague in places. Is she cutting loose a relationship sadly shattered by Joey's addiction? Is she hanging in and allowing his demons to drag her down as well?

Neither, I think. There is another option, and she has found it.

But we got lucky once before
And I don't want to close the door
And if you're somewhere out there
Passed out on the floor
Oh Joey, I'm not angry anymore

It's this note of hope that lifts Joey from the ranks of just another cry-into-your-pillow torch song into so much more meaningful. Granted, it's a hard sell to make a case for this tune being "uplifting," but I'd argue that it all depends on your starting point. If your life is reasonably sane and you are not facing such a dire situation as loving someone who seems bent on their own destruction, then Joey might indeed seem like one of the "most depressing songs ever." If you find yourself in similar circumstances, though, then there is a life-changing message of empowerment here.

The singer will not abandon Joey--she doesn't want to close the door--but neither will she allow his choices to devastate her. She has empowered herself in an almost impossible situation by coming to terms with the fact that she cannot control his actions, but will not allow his actions to control her. She can love Joey despite his significant imperfections but, in the end, his decisions are his own and it is not her responsibility--or even within her power--to captain his life. With the single powerful assertion that she is "not angry anymore," she has found the proverbial strength to accept the things she cannot change (Joey's actions), to change the things she can (her reactions), and the wisdom to know the difference.